So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
