No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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