there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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