Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
