see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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