Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
