Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
did i just pee glitter
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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