You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
