Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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