so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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