Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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