I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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