I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
