i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
