Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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