What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
