u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize