dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
