Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
