When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
