so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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