Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
