god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
