I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize