I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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