Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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