woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
