the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
