Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
