Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
