She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
