Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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