Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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