i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
