This is not my ceiling
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize