Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
