im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
