lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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