some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
