I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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