i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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