More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
