Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
