it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
