Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
