I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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