if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
