You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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