I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Houston, we have a squirter
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
