I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
