Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
