Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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