textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize