mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
