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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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