Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize