We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
