Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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