If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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