the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize