Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
