If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize