You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
