It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Operation Purity has been aborted
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
