At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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