I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
