It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
